Rainbow Farting Unicorns League
Posted by
Erin Mansfield
Note: What follows is meant clearly for humor's sake. I decided to make a fictitious website, and I found the results humorous and so I posted it below.
RainbowFartingUnicornsLeague.com
About Rainbow Farting Unicorns
This is all about the fantastical wonders of those mystical unicorns. It primarily focuses on how to get those beautiful creatures to fart out those rainbows they are so famous for. Of course, we will also discuss how to find and trap a leprechaun, for all his wonderful gold!
Caution
Any information included in this site is to be used only at your own risk. We are not liable for unicorn stampedes, gas poisoning, or being turned into a melon by leprechauns.
History
Long before this site was created, causing unicorns to fart rainbows was already a noble tradition. No one knows for sure who first discovered that unicorns had such a peculiar gift. We do know that the earliest records tell only of the droppings, being brightly colored and strangely tasting of chocolate. It is rumored that the original discoverer was actually attempting to mate with one of the creatures, when it ran off, releasing a gaseous array of colors. Unfortunately, the man's genitals forever bore a rainbow pattern, causing him to be harassed by leprechauns the rest of his days.
The Tradition Today
For many, the art of unicorn rainbow farting has become more of a pastime than a true calling. Where once initiates would pledge their lives to the task, now only teenagers, drunks, or the suicidal put in any real effort. Today, groups tend to gather more for the food and drink. It is time spent with family and friends, ending in a staged attempt, kept carefully away from any unicorn’s backend.
The Renaissance
While many consider the risk involved in reviving this harrowing sport far too high, it is time to reconsider. With today's knowledge, it is far safer than ever before. Those brave enough to coax unicorns into farting, can earn themselves a lifetime of fame and fortune. For it is the only known way to reliably lure a leprechaun. If one can also succeed in capturing a leprechaun, they can acquirer whatever their heart desires. Of course, there are risks. The gas itself is unpredictable. It has been known dissolve entire groups, cause people to think their own flesh is a most delicious dessert, or to simply turn everyone into adorably defenseless bunnies. If one survives, one still must manage to outwit the leprechauns. Yet, with the use of the latest information and safety equipment, many are now willing to risk it all.
Contact Information
Of course users are free to contact each other, or myself, through the forums. If the need is urgent, however, the use of telepathy is preferred. Of course, all scheduled gatherings can be entered by teleportation. We only ask that guests refrain from using telekinesis in designated areas, so arrivals can apparate without foreign objects becoming lodged in their body.
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