Drowning in Dark and Gray

Drowning in Dark and Gray

Posted by Erin Mansfield

There is a shadow deep within my heart
It stalked me even when I was very young

I stared into those hollow depths
I saw a stranger dressed as I
Although perhaps that was a lie
Perhaps it was and always will be
Just my reflection terrifying me

Within this place of depths unknown
There lies only night in waters too cold
Every death and every tear
Every heartache and every fear

And yet, there is something more frightening still
A place I stumbled upon behind the shade

Where there is no sun nor moon

Only concrete ruins and dreams unmade

The people stand there dark and gray
Reaching out to any who care to pass
My heart aches, yet my body shivers
I can not reach even a single life

Nothing shows within their eyes

As I struggle to pull them out

A threat pulses into my heart
A shrill scream runs through my brain

I fall into the cold embrace
Of waters none should ever face
The breath now gone
The shock takes over
I simply surrender

I no longer know that I should be in fear

Yet then the sharpness prickles my lungs
My body thrashes through the waters
Yet this lends not to the surface I so desire
Finally my brain begins to overcome instinct

With the last of my strength
Every muscle twitching with strain
I take two strokes upward
Toward some shimmer of light
Then I let my arms fall to my sides
My head raised up, I close my eyes

It feels forever and eternity
Darkness fills my world again
My head swirls as my body goes limp
Nothing but silence now remains
For a moment, for all time
In the stillness, it is all the same

Yet once again I find myself aware
My head jerks back and upward           
A rush of air stings my lungs
Feeling, life, strength return

So many layers in such ancient places

Where time warps and fades

Where lives are lost, found, remade

I can never quite explain

How to traverse such depths

I only know the wonder

Of how all can be lost

And yet is never truly lost

There is a gift that forever remains